Christmas Anticipation!

Finals are so demanding!  But a hint of Christmas anticipation goes a long way.  Last night after a couple hours studying at the Queen Anne Starbucks I looked out the window to a street full of lights.  It felt like a movie. The carols in the background, the a cozy fireplace next to me, the street sparkling with little lights whispering "Christmas" were so breathtaking.  For a second I took my eyes out of the books, off my computer screen and for a moment remembered 'ah, there's an exciting world still going on around me.'  I don't like the tunnel vision where life becomes so 'me' centered and all the end of quarter tasks become all consuming.  It's a blessing to have eye opening moments that put life into a more expansive perspective.  And the anticipation continues this morning as I'm back at it up at Starbucks.  It does wonders for tunnel vision to observe other people's morning routines.  Life is pressing on while all of us students bury our heads in the books.  That's encouraging.  Slowly but surely final projects, papers, and exams are being checked 'complete.'  Can't wait to get home and rest and continue anticipating this exciting season!  

Artistic Expressions in a Fragile Space

This week, I've been continually reminded of the fragile space we inhabit between life and death, light and darkness, hope and despair...  We live amid such polarities and it's often hard to know exactly how to fully engage this space.

How incredible it was to welcome new life on Monday with the birth of Kaia and Ari to my dear friends Tim and Annemarie.  Couldn't praise God more for His hand in the miracle gift of these precious babies!  I'm already feeling so in love with these tiny, sweet girls!  In other circumstance, this week has brought a real awareness of the power and lure of evil in our lives.  My heart hurts over our brokenness and how sin crouches at the door waiting to devour, only to distance us from intimacy with the Father.

Jon Foreman recently blogged about how we are to make art, specifically music, in this tension of the polarities we find ourselves stretched thin between.

"Between the dialectic of life and death we are pulled tight, stretched out like the strings of my guitar. We are forever in still-life. A delicate balancing act between the end and the beginning, between the consciousness and the dream, between the forgetting that we call birth and the remembering that we call death. We are the notes dancing from the strings of time, held firm between life and death. This is the polarity of our existence, pulled tight between despair and hope, belief and doubt. We are strung tight between our birth and the grave. Humanity is dancing on the fretboard in-between. Death will one-day cut the string. Until then, we live in the tension."  

Last Friday, after skipping a class to have breakfast with my parents and a couple from church, I was driving back down to school and had this powerful moment in which I was struck with this picture of a piece of art.  I knew right away what it looked like and, in that moment, felt such an intense desire to create.  It was on a piece of wood.  It moved from the wonder and awe of creation, through a long desert of sorts that represented God's instruction in dry dead space, into an abundance of life toward God's direction for the future.  The emphasis definitely resided in the middle space.  It definitely reflected the picture I've had reading the Torah.  The day was so busy and I rushed to class in the rain then threw a bunch of clothes in a bag and headed back up north for a Jr. High retreat.  Arriving at retreat, I glanced through the booklet for the weekend and noticed that for a Saturday session the camp was setting aside time to express something through art.  Let's just say, I knew where I needed to be.  After wandering around in the woods for a bit, I found a stick.  There were magazines available and they were perfect. I found myself stumbling on the perfect pictures. Even though earlier in the day I'd cleared out the random papers in my Bible, a couple small papers remained tucked inside its pages, and they were perfect.  A couple of students that I attended the art session with asked me about it afterward and I didn't hesitate to explain, "this is what it means..."  Wishing I hadn't been so darn confident at the time as this little artistic expression has continued to become significant in other ways this week.  I'm so struck by the unique ways God speaks, especially through the arts, and continues to develop the picture and experience we have of Him.

I've never been more convinced that we are created to create.  I've never been more confident that God's Spirit is present, guiding and instructing in dry deserts. I'm hungering and thirsting for God right now.  All I can do is turn to God in adoration and worship, continually praying that the Lord's endless love would draw ever near those we so deeply love.  This has been perhaps been one of the most difficult weeks of my life.  Yet, the Lord's presence couldn't be more real and steadfast as He remains ever present in the midst of us, his beloved creations.

Legacy

Lately I can't help but think of things as legacy. Our faith journeys are a legacy. Our worship is a legacy.  Our prayer is a legacy.  The way we can read our Bible is a legacy. In so many ways we, as Christians, continue the legacy of those who have gone before us.  And that's pretty exciting.  Legacy gives motivation and urgency to our lives!  And we get to play a vital role in continuing the journey of the faith of our forefathers!  

Loved The Help! ...and all the time to read lately! "That's what I love about reading: one tiny thing will interest you in a book, and another bit there will lead you onto a third book. It's geometrically progressive--all with no end in sight, and for no other reason than sheer enjoyment" --the Guernsey Literary Potato Peel Pie Society

See ya Summa.

Reality sinks in, Summer is nearly over and I find myself grasping these last moments not able to let go!  Summer was such a gift this year and for so many reasons I give God thanks.  For God's continual work in my life, for all things new in the life of Shoreline FMC, for Esperanza, for really late nights sitting on the kitchen floor listening to Dean and Marie's life stories, for music which continues to give glimpses of God's kingdom here on earth, for the piano, time spent with longtime friends, for time at home and out and about with family, for coffee and Cafe Aroma, for fun youth group outings, for spontaneous trips to Portland, for the Cinebarre, for good reads, for sleep... the list goes on.  Perhaps one of the greatest gifts this summer was being here in Shoreline.  This was the first year in a while that Summer didn't equal travel.  Ok, we did take a trip to Idaho for a few days in August but, having only missed one day of work, I'm considering it more of a little excursion (an awesome one at that).  Oh and there was the usual Esperanza week. But my point is that, in previous years, I've been focused on being elsewhere and in new places (Brazil...Russia...all sorts of national parks).  This Summer was different.  I able to be present here in my very own neighborhood.  And with all my time working and at church I had to be.  One of my favorite things about working at Cafe Aroma was that it forced me straight into the Shoreline community.  I got to know people's lives, normal people who go about their business right down the street from me.  I've loved hearing about the delicious meal plans of double short latte with two raw sugars guy, or about the new kittens of double tall blended latte couple, or the daily progress of grande vanilla latte lady's mom who recently went into icu after having a brain aneurism, or knowing that when green tea gal comes in late Friday and Saturday evening she is headed for a long night shift, or that 24oz vanilla's daughter wants a pink straw in her cocoa and pink and purple sprinkles on her whip cream.  I'm going to miss spending the majority of my time up here.  The space in my brain I've devoted to drink orders of our regulars is already being taken over and I'm honestly sad about that.  Its pretty great knowing at least the names and coffee drink of choice of the people you run into at the grocery store or in Subway.  What a reminder that we should be constantly aware and listeners of the people we encounter through everyday, ordinary business.  It's also been such a joy spending time with all the Shoreline youth peeps.  Having fun in the sun, prepping for the fall with leaders, practicing with the youth band (Worship Monkeys? or Golden Forcefield?) I'm so excited for this coming year!!  I know it will be significant as we continue to find identity as worshipers and people of prayer.  That's all to say I'm not quite ready to move back to school.  I'm not ready to go back to dividing my time between too many places. I really want to be present in everything up here.  But I'll pack tomorrow regardless.  And head back down to the little nook in Queen Anne.  And I'll be excited about my classes!  After all I'm only 22 credits away from graduation.  Now that's exciting!

One of the reasons why I can't help but be a fan...

http://www.spu.edu/depts/uc/response/2010-spring/features/u2.asp

A beautiful day and a beautiful show.

Finals

I’ve decided it is kind of funny. Seeing a lot of studious people the last few days it seems some think they have the most work of anyone as the quarter draws to a close. Let’s face it, almost everyone is busy right now. The coffee shops are teeming with studious people. Somehow busyness and the most intense classes make us look so accomplished. I love spending time in the gospels where Jesus constantly withdraws to spend time alone on a mountainside savoring moments of solitude, prayer and rest. Ok, as much as I want to use this as an excuse to maybe…take a sunrise hike in place of a piano final tomorrow morning?? I can’t and I wont. We all get to partake in this week of tests, projects, papers, last minute assignments together! Well, that makes it sound fun. I feel busy but productivity feels wonderful especially as it’s laced with moments of rest.

Focusing on the favorites of finals: the excuse to drink endless cups of coffee, spend time at Starbucks with friends (even while staring at separate screens fellowship is a blessing), manipulating sleep schedules, loving late nights of quiet, observing the pizza man deliver midnight snacks to neighbors who are likely up studying. Fitting everything in is kind of a thrill. I’d venture to say everything left feels manageable. I’m definitely feeling optimistic because U2 is buzzing around here and will be gracing the ears of their Seattle fans in just four days!!

Finals… we’ve been through so many of them. Maybe everyone does have the most homework of everyone. However much you have left to do, good luck friends!

more broken promises? no more broken promises

On Sunday I was saying bye to my friend April. "Let's run together soon!" I say. At which point my cousin, Mike, pitches in... "more broken promises." Dang it. He's completely right. These little promises to get together with people so often fail to come true. Of course, I can't let that happen now. I need to go running with April and hang out with a handful of others...the ones I've passed on the way to class with a, "hey, lets hang out soon!"

In one week I will be a runner again...

So far, this year, I've failed at being a consistent runner. But Spring is on the rise and I feel so much better about life wearing Brooks attire. Yesterday Kristen and I ran the bridges. Tomorrow I think Greenlake. Gasworks, Lake Union. By next week I will have regained my running identity.

I can't believe its over!

On the first day of Spiritual Retreats class Dr. Bob, opened up our class with prayer and prayed of newness. At the end of class we took time to silently reflect on a single word or phrase. Immediately, I felt as though the Lord was speaking to me these words, “I make all things new.” The next day I spent the afternoon in my first Representative Theologians class of the quarter. Dr. Dearborn opened up in prayer ending with, “thank you for being a God that continually makes us new and all things new.” I can’t even begin to express the refreshment these words have brought to me this quarter. They have permeated my thinking and my actions in remarkable ways.

What have I gained from this quarter? Oh, so many things! Winter quarter has been incredibly eye opening. From so many avenues I’ve learned more of what it means to be refreshed through rest and retreat. Through retreat, my imagination has been baptized into thinking that is much more expansive. The gospel is richly poetic, bursting with imagination. A poetic rendering of the gospel frees our trapped selves to embrace existence with greater possibility; a world enlivened with fresh meaning where life isn't limited but richly imaginative. The gift of retreat is an invitation into a new life of freedom to experience this imagination of our Creator through spiritual means like contemplation, engagement, self-disclosure, Spirit and community.

It fascinates me that God would choose to breathe rest into my life this quarter considering it has been one of the busiest, most demanding times of my life. But it has also been filled to the brim with retreat. I can’t help but stop to praise God for the ways in which He sustains us. We cannot do so on our own. I’m tremendously thankful for the opportunities I’ve been given to slow down and to reflect on the One who brings ultimate healing and fullness to our frenzied lives.

Endlessly, I’ve been reminded of Jesus’ words in Matthew, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (NIV 11:28-30) As I was just looking more fully at the context of this passage, Jesus stops suddenly to say, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do” (NIV 11:25-26). I’ve learned to appreciate the wonder and imagination of the gospel like a child so much more this quarter through experiencing a wealth of rest. In relinquishing my self-governing ways, I’ve more fully taken on the burden of Christ which counters wholly our individual efforts at understanding. As Dr. Nienhuis pointed out in the Lectio for Matthew 11, “Jesus insists that he provides the only point of access to God, and no one can know God apart from what he reveals. Clamoring after powerful signs or seeking worldly wisdom will not do, for Christ himself is the revelation of the mysterious power and wisdom of God.”

I pray God would persist in “making all things new” as I continue to relinquish my self-governing tendencies to embrace the burdens of Christ where rest brings transformative restoration. Only through taking Christ’s yoke upon me via avenues of retreating will God continue to work and shape my life for His Kingdom.

A couple of my friends made this film for an eschatology project and its pretty wonderful. Such expansive imagery and thinking.

This quarter was filled to the brim with glorified study expeditions. I have Starbucks, Tully's, Enlighten, Fresh Flowers, Peet's, Brown's, and Laughing Ladies to thank for that. They exude such cozy environments and disguised so well the fact I was actually studying. But I can't afford that now. Today's studying is of a different sort. It's of the sit around in comfy clothes drinking bottomless french press while soaking in any and all information my eyes come across kind. I've also convinced myself I'm a hermit. That should help.

T minus 48 hrs. Until the wind of relief snatches me up, up and away to see my family and to embrace life anew.

This book is beautiful....

The love the respect and personal warmth Dalia and Bashir share amidst the political chasms they experience as Jew and Arab...

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=5405369&m=5405370

Finals Fruit Snacks.

Every finals week I take a little jaunt up to the grocery store to pick up an exciting themed box of fruit snacks and I put them in my backpack. Fruit snacks are really great stress relieving study companions. They also remind me of the simplicity of being a kid. Sometimes we take finals just to darn seriously. OK, I care about the outcome of this week but is it really worth all the stress? We become so tunnel-visioned that we forget to look up and see the wonder of the world around us, still in motion.

This quarter's theme is, "create your own bug" fruit snacks. I didn't think of it at the time but it ties so perfectly into what I've been thinking about this quarter. God's kingdom is overflowing with imagination, not only of the greater reality that is to come but also imagination reflected in every ounce of creation present to us now...that includes bugs. I'm determined to soak in the imagination amidst the seemingly endless hours of studying to come.

It is daytime on the other side of the world and I'm trying my best to convince myself I'm there studying. But I still keep yawning.

This is an uber fast blog post to say I'm incredibly thankful and filled with restorative momentum. This quarter has been so rough. Oh, that hardly states it accurately. Tomorrow has potential to be one of the busiest days of my college career. But this weekend was packed with blessings that I can hardly count.

Urban Impact not only makes awesome hors d'œuvres and fondue but is also doing phenomenal work in the lives of those it impacts (pun intended).

Becca is one of my favorite people.

Spending time in Fremont with more awesome people is great too.

Playing music for worship with my brother is a delight and honor.

Sarah or my phone always dies mid phone conversation. This is only a blessing because it suggests long conversation.

Study sessions with Lindy are never study sessions. We have better things to do. I love her.

Bunco holds such power in bringing intergenerational community together.

5 is my new lucky number.

Les Patton is an incredible encouragement despite his recent loss, the death of his wife Donna.

My friend Anne picked me up a bib and shirt for the race I was supposed to run but didn't really train for. Now I can look so fly on my little jogs to Fremont. Right.

The Earth is Yours must be one of the most enjoyable songs to play and is a winsome picture of God's wondrous creation, singing harmoniously to the tune only God can orchestrate.

No one knows when the Son of Man is going to show up but I will be vigilant. Eek, it's exciting. We cannot take it lightly.

Last but definitely not least, meeting Kyle and Christina was really exciting and I pray this weekend was simply the start of much more time with them.

Being unique has become kind of trendy around here at SPU. People continually strive to be just the right kind of unique. But when uniqueness becomes trendy it starts to become all the same and it misses the point. Uniqueness begins to assimilate, it fails to see those who are different, those who truly are unique. The point is we have been created by God as individuals that are distinct and it's truly an incredible thing. By being created in the imago dei our diversity is significant. It gives us a glimpse of just how vast and awe-inspiring our God is, it makes the Christian community all the more effective. I'm thinking along the lines of 1 Corinthians 12.

I know a lot of truly unique people who are different because they are themselves. I love them for that. But these people are often the ones at the margins of our community. They aren't trendy unique. They are just the ones who feel confident enough in themselves to be the person God has created them to be. They are so real, they are so accepting, they play solely for the approval of Christ, they love people as God loves people.

I've learned a lot from them, especially as someone who has felt so greatly the pressure of conformity. I want to be myself so badly but in so many ways I strive to be someone else's unique, a trendy unique. It's the natural human tendency. But as the Christian community we have to look outside the borders and to those on the margin...to observe those who really are different! Maybe they are the ones who truly know what it means to be the creation God has intended them to be. We have to join them in seeking God for individual identity.

Yes, it's a scary world outside those borders. You can end up on the opposite side of popular opinion. But if it means entering a world of life and community as intended by God I'm willing to take the risk. I'm willing to allow God to dictate my true uniqueness and to participate in a community that understands, "the body is not made up of one part but of many."

Thursday's have ceased to be spontaneous.

I have the entire day off on Thursdays. Exciting, right? No. They are so predictable. Homework, homework, homework. If the computer put off UV rays I would look like an Oompa Loompa after today. Oh, homework you are endless.

But I’m learning a lot.

Well, this is what I want to do for my birthday. Hands down.

Becca and I decided we should probably make this happen.

http://www.5thavenue.org/show/lesmiserables1112/

I miss seeing Lindy as much as I used to.

We would eat cinnamon rolls, watch 24, go on runs, read in the stairwell of Alexander, eat cereal, wear each-other's clothes, visit Tully's. Just a few things.

Please pray for Kostya!

From

I met this boy, Kostya, in the Transit Center this summer. He was found on the streets of St. Petersburg with absolutely no documentation of his identity. Please pray for him and those involved in the process of helping find paperwork or connections to his family. He is one of the most precious kids and its tragic to see him in an orphaned environment.

Coffee Migration Day

Landing sites:

Tully's Coffee

Serendipity Cafe

Grassy Knoll

Peet's Coffee & Tea

On this sun filled February day, poor confused birds were chirping in the trees and I almost tricked myself into thinking it was Spring too. Becca and I decided a "coffee migration day" was necessary since, at this point in the quarter, homework tends to consume our lives. So we successfully hit up two new hot-spots in Magnolia and an old favorite in Fremont. Such wonderful places to plug through pages and pages of reading! We even stumbled upon a gem of a park overlooking the city, Rainer, and a breadth of the Cascades too wonderful for even our peripheral vision. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I neglect the wonder of this world. Not on days like this.

Highlights...

Magnolia community life, old and young

Veggie panini (complete with goat cheese, roasted peppers, and spinach) + sweet potato fries

Raspberry mocha

New package of highlighters

Emma...

From Esperanza 2009

Emma has been the greatest little lady lately. She comes up to me whenever I'm around to give me a giant hug. She kissed me on the cheek when I left Sunday. She is freaking hilarious and adorable. And to top it all off, she texted me tonight from my mom's phone just checking in to say hi. I wish I could be around more for these growing up years of her life. Got to love Emma.

One of the most beautiful people

From St. Petersburg 2010

seeing the wonder

I've been realizing in so many ways lately, we live in such a prose world where the gospel is boiled down to something ordinary and trivial, far from the rich imaginative reality it truly is. We don’t expect much of the gospel either. But the gospel story is poetry; poetry that evokes life, makes bold moves, thinks imaginatively, and opens a world of mystery, surprise, excitement. It calls us to a life of fullness enlivened with meaning that cannot be communicated prosaically, only poetically. This kind of poetry invites us to a new life of freedom, freeing our trapped world to embrace existence with greater possibility; a world enlivened with fresh meaning where life isn't limited but richly imaginative. I'm continually reminding myself to open my eyes to the imagination of the gospel. You should too :)